Son, It’s Time You Learned Your Entire Life Has Been Spent on Something Called “Disney’s Galactic Starcruiser”
Put down your lightsaber and have a seat, Wabi-Bon, your mother and I have something to tell you. We imagined this day would come, but never expected it to come so soon.
So, you know how we live on an enormous, magnificent spacecraft, speeding through the universe, meeting exotic aliens & having adventures? None of that is true and your life has been spent in an elaborate role-playing experience known as “Disney’s Galactic Starcruiser”.
I know, that’s a lot. Have some blue milk and take it in.
For the record, we didn’t plan to raise you in Disney’s million-dollar answer to Renaissance fairs. This was going to be our “babymoon” before you arrived — then your mom went into labor during the holographic chess tournament! The guests thought it was part of the experience, and the performers are so terrified of “disrupting the magic” and angering Disney Legal that everyone played along. The animatronic medical droids have enough natal-care programming that we felt you were in good hands.
The next day we started to pack, but you kept staring out the porthole into the depths of space (a hi-def monitor showing the depths of space) and smiling. How could we disrupt that? What parent doesn’t…
