Holiday Greetings From Brightside Chiropractic To Pam Bidwell, And Only Pam Bidwell
Hello, Pamela! You may want to sit down.
There we were, a few weeks ago at the Brightside Chiropractic Annual Holiday Marketing Brainstorm. The mood was grim. We were ready to trudge through the same old holiday drill: send calendars and postcards to the printers, copy and paste last year’s email blast, buy peppermints for the sign-in desk, call it done.
Then all hell broke loose.
From the farthest corner of the table, Morgan — our new intern and quite the firecracker — says, “What if we just blew the whole budget on one person?”
A tense silence.
It was like Morgan had thrown a match into a barrel of holiday gasoline. Talk about disrupting the workplace! Our yuletide spirit was rekindled: we flipped through our client roster and — like a star over a certain Bethlehem manger — your name called to us, hov’ring there in the middle of page 38. That night, we got to work.
Pam, prepare to experience the seasonal greeting power of a fully mobilized chiropractic office.
This card is only the beginning. In the days to come, you’ll receive a series of correspondences, each overflowing with increasingly intense tidings: handwritten letters; messages from old friends; tales of human suffering and triumph, many from Brightside staffers sharing the fruits of last summer’s Pain On The Page autobiography-writing corporate retreat. Lumbar trauma pales in comparison to the power of story, Pam — bring a handkerchief to the mailbox!
Next, forget what you’ve learned about company calendars. Forget our own yawny montages of staff you barely recognize and the obligatory Neglected Thorax centerfold illustration. This time, we’re serving a yearful of the sweetest eye candy, exhaustively curated by our own Dr. Dee Farrell — Library Science dabbler, when she’s not cracking down on serial slouchers! — brought to life by Brightside staff, directed by Dr. Farrell’s nephew, Finn, putting his two-year degree in Digital Photography into action.
Each calendar page reveals a pivotal moment in chiropractic history, cross-referenced with key milestones from your own life: did you know your daughter, Sarah, was born the same day Davis Palmer published his revolutionary pamphlet, Consider The Spine? And let’s just say our multi-page spread for September, Baby’s Got [A Properly Aligned] Back, puts to rest the age-old question, “Does tasteful nudity have a place in the chiropractic world?”
But nothing can prepare you for a visit to our reimagined front office, or rather, The Pam Bidwell Holiday Funderland.
Step inside and let dozens of evergreens, miles of garland, and over five thousand twinkling lights transport you to a place where joy and proper skeletal alignment live forever. Make sure to sample the freshly-baked sweets cooling on the front counter — perfect for warming up after navigating the Ice Maze! Please provide an hour’s advance notice for us to assemble the Holiday Funderland, as it is meant for you, Pam, and you alone. No one else may witness the Holiday Funderland.
What’s that? Will we extend this newfound holiday spirit across the year, with complimentary chiropractic treatments? Girl… you must be the angle that knees should be in while sitting, ‘cause — you’re right. Prepare for the back of your dreams! Hell, throw yourself down a flight of stairs — this office will not rest until you have the posture and lifting ability of one of the giant robot suits from Pacific Rim.
Marilyn at the front desk says, “Don’t you dare schedule an appointment, honey… just drop in!” And Marilyn does not kid, especially now that she’s on her own. In fact, when you arrive, shoot past Marilyn and right into one of our examination rooms, empty or not: all clients will be briefed on Pamela Bidwell, and how she is to be treated. They’ll know to gather their things and leave.
Pam, you may have the urge to thank us. But it’s Brightside Chiropractic who should be thanking you. Crafting this campaign… it helped us feel alive again, and reminded us that a season can’t be found in snowflakes taped to the window, or bags of tinsel, or pre-printed Snapfish postcards. It lives in our own hearts.
Plus, no one else appreciated our previous corporate holiday messaging, so fuck those people.
Listen closely, Pam. You should hear the approaching bells of a horse-drawn carriage, underscored by the voices of our thirty-nine member staff, raised in song. The moment has come.
Take a breath. Grab a coat. Do a few quick stretches to activate the shoulders and neck… and let’s begin.